Sometimes it’s cool to chat up a stranger in close confines, but most of the times it’s a real drag. To this end, the website Total Frat Move just published a list of the five worst places for small talk:
Getting Your Teeth Cleaned. Dentists go to school for like six years, right? At any point in that training, do they once talk about etiquette? Like maybe don’t try to have a conversation with a patient while you’re dinking around in their throat with your utensils. How am I supposed to speak? Then I do speak because I feel rude if I don’t and not only is it laborious, but I could not lack any more grace.
In an Uber. There is this weird myth that being overtly nice will get a higher tip. WRONG. Getting me from point A to point B without endangering my life is the only criteria I grade on. I’ll put up with a quick introduction because that’s cordial, but that’s it. Plus I only use Ubers when I’m drunk.
While Getting a Haircut. I procrastinate for as long as possible between cuts just to avoid this cringeworthy endeavor. I prefer to get my hair done at a certain sports-themed establishment where they say guys are allowed to be guys. But for some reason they break the first rule of being a guy. Guys do not want to be nagged with annoying questions. Especially not while doing chores. Getting a haircut is a chore. You don’t need to talk to me. I will tip you so much more if you just keep to yourself, do your job, and keep it moving.
Waiting Rooms (All Genres). Doesn’t matter what the occasion is, if there is a waiting room, I do not want to be there. Moreover, I certainly do not want to interact with anyone else. Might even pull a maneuver where I show up late just to avoid waiting room awkwardness. Not sure what would possess someone to audition icebreakers in a stuffy office space, but it makes me fantasize about murder more than I should.
In an Elevator. There is a very logical reason for elevator music: It is there as filler to keep a little noise rolling so that you don’t need to speak. That’s why it was invented; so you can just ascend in peace. I find myself praying for an empty elevator every time those doors fly open. Might even wait until the next round just to get a ride to myself. That’s how much I hate riding with a complete stranger. The most you will get from me is a polite head-nod acknowledging your existence and that’s it. What would possess anyone to try to interact anymore past that is beyond me. We are already in a tiny box, is that not intimate enough for you?